Im sitting in school on Friday afternoon Mister Johns is talking about vowels and consonants and Im just looking out the window I could spell the words even if he didnt write them on the board and I can see by the others faces that Im smarter and they ask dumb questions Mister Johns is wearing a bright blue shirt that is too big for him he has a red sweaty face and a moustache and an earring he reminds me of my real daddy I wonder if his earring has magical powers like Daddys did –
Its almost time to go home I always get sad on Friday afternoons because the others go home to their daddies even Jo who sits in front of me with his red hair his daddy teaches the class next door it makes me sad and angry Jos dad has crows feet like Daddy had when he smiles Mister Johns is talking but I keep looking out the window and thinking –
On Friday nights I wait for Daddy in my pyjamas just out of the bath talcum powder in my belly button he brings home chips and dim sims and potato cakes with tomato sauce for tea and after we finished them he pulls out a plastic bag with a rainbow paddle pop and a packet of football cards with a stick of bubble gum inside and we sit down on the couch and tear the packet open there are seven cards in there the first six are cards I already have and we both say ohhh at the same time but then I hold the last card up yelling and dad eyes go watery as I tell him that it’s not only a card I dont have but no one else at school has it either –
Daddy worked all the time so I only saw him on Friday nights he would always sit me down on his knee and say I was his darling boy he would promise to take me to the park the next day and buy me a cheeseburger from McDonalds in the shopping centre but only if I was a good boy and let him sleep a bit longer I could see in his eyes he was tired he would rub them with his dirty hands then wink at me then his eyes would be watery like hed been crying –
Sometimes he came home with mixed lollies and pull out his false teeth and replace them with lolly teeth it scared me when I was five but when I was six it made me laugh when I laughed he laughed as well and the skin that hung off his throat would bounce around –
One Friday night he didnt bring home anything and he looked at me with a sad face so I went into the kitchen and asked Mummy who was stirring something in a pot that stank she said be quiet and spooned some grey coloured meat into a bowl and said be grateful for what you get and from then on every night even on Fridays I got the grey meat or noodles which tasted like pepper and made my tongue burn –
Soon after that I didn’t eat my tea because I didnt want Mummy to get angry when I got sick everywhere so Mummy snatched my plate and threw it against the wall then she picked up the biscuit tin and passed it toward me and I went to grab it but she pulled it back and put it high up in a cupboard and left it up there then she went outside –
Mister Johns is writing letters on the blackboard Brad whos sitting next to me keeps knocking his knee on the desk he cant sit still like he needs to go to the toilet I want to slap him in the ear make it red oh I want to slap him hard but I stop myself I look back out the window and see a man pushing a pram the man has a smile on his face like –
Daddy when he finished rocking me on his knee and he put me down at my Lego collection that Grandma gave me when I was four he would pull out his pink and green box from under the table then he then put on the music I didnt like and sit with his back to me when he did this it was time for me to go to bed Mummy would yell you could wait until I tuck him in and Daddy would yell back he doesn't know any better hes only seven for Gods sake I didnt like it when he said Gods name in an angry voice then the two of them would go outside and the smell of the smoke would drift through the flywire and make me sleepy –
When Daddy stopped bringing home the nice food and toys on Friday nights he stopped reading to me as well and I didnt have to brush my teeth I liked it not brushing my teeth but Id get sad when I didnt get my story Daddy changed the words to make me laugh and make the animal noises like Harrison the Horse and Maurice the Monkey and Mummy sometimes did instead but she read too fast and sighed all the time she had bad breath –
And Daddy used to come up late each night to kiss me good night and tuck me in properly until one night he came up when I was asleep and he fell over on to my bed Mummy started yelling and turned the light on Daddy was lying on the ground and his body was shaking his eyes looked scary Mummy kept on yelling and slapped Daddy in the face he woke up and looked at me saying Im sorry my darling boy and kissed me on the cheek Mummys face was red and her nose was dripping she was still shouting in Daddys ear it made my ears hurt Daddy hugged me tightly and kept whispering sorry in my ear Mummy was pulling him away she looked different I covered my eyes as they fell over each other and Mummy grabbed at Daddys hair pulling some out like dark grass in her hand –
When they went back into the lounge room downstairs I could still hear Mummy yelling then that smell came back they were outside again I looked out my window the sky was dark but the outside light was on Daddy had his hand on Mummys shoulder and looked like he was crying Mummy was shaking her head blowing smoke out of her mouth and drinking out of a big brown bottle like she did that all the time one day I asked her what was in the bottle and she said life juice I thought it might have been like apple juice but she wouldn’t let me have any –
Daddy never came up to kiss me good night again every Friday night after that I used to hold my eyes open as long as I could in case he came up again but he never did –
Mummy picked me up from school each day sometimes she would have red eyes with dark rings under them like licorice and James mummy tried to talk to her saying hello and is everything alright but Mummy looked at the ground and yanked my collar and pulled me away to the car James mummy was nice when she picked James up she would talk to me with a smile on her face and then her and James would sit in their car for a while and James mummy would say is your Mummy coming to get you and I would say yes and she would nod and sit there and then a bit later she would drive me home in her car it was cleaner and better and faster and the music was louder –
On the Friday night before I went away I crept out of my room and saw Mummy standing over Daddy yelling at him then she hit him with a bottle I went back up to my room and pulled the covers over my head Daddy had bandages on his head the next day when we were at the park one of Daddys friends was there he was saying swear words and yelling he put something in Daddys coat pocket then walked away Daddy yelled out after him the last time mate the last time when we got home Mummy rushed towards and Daddy and reached into his pocket and ran to the bathroom and locked the door Daddy stood there watching the door I couldnt hear anything then after a few minutes I heard the toilet flush Daddy knocked on the door loudly yelling you didn’t did you over and over –
He was crying he kept shouting money through the bubbles coming from his wet nose and mouth he had to get ready for work at the pub I have to get to work he kept shouting at the door I couldnt hear Mummy in there Daddys face was all red he walked into the kitchen and grabbed a rag he said I needed to blow my nose the rag smelled funny after I blew it he kept it there for a few little while I was getting scared he then said sorry and kissed me on the cheek then he turned around and ran at the bathroom door and knocked it down he started crying so much it didnt sound like him he was holding Mummy in his arms she had a bloody nose there was a knock at the door –
When I woke up I was in a strange place a man and a woman were standing over me smiling for the first time I started to cry –
Mister Johns is standing over me looking angry then he notices my cheeks warm and red I notice everyone is gone and he puts his hand on my shoulder and I begin to feel sick and all I want is my real daddy and I shout Daddy Daddy over and over and the teacher lets me go and I run outside and run and run until I cant run any more.
